Salt Life

Confessions of a Homeschool Mom

I haven't written much on the topic of homeschooling for quite some time which is odd in that the title of my blog identifies me as such. There is good reason for my silence. I am and have been in a 'place'. There, I said it!

My brother does a regular post on his blog called "Student Ministry Confessional". Well, this is my version of that and I'm calling it "Confessions of a Homeschool Mom". So here goes my first attempt at sharing about the 'place' I'm in, starting with the most minor, but still bothersome, matters.

An issue (yes, it's an issue--for me it really is!) that has bothered me for a very long time, and I've never expressed it to anyone, is the fact that every time I type the word 'homeschool' my spell-check underlines is as a misspelling. It takes a huge amount of restraint for me to leave the squiggly red underline. Being a self-professed perfectionist, I just can't help myself and after a time of hoping the disturbance goes away on its own or even thinking for a brief moment that I can actually ignore it, I usually go back and put in the space that the computer is screaming for. I've been wanting to express that frustration for some time and feel much better doing so. Today, the red line stays!

Paperwork. I hate it. Once again, being the perfectionist I am, I do not like clutter, I need organization to feel at ease. Just the nature of teaching children at home demands paperwork. We do our best to keep things in order, but it's a constant battle. Throw into the mix the local Home Educators office demanding documentation for this and forms for that and it's just the ticket to make me a bit insane at times. It's unavoidable, but a huge aggravation to me! I believe it's just another way God is ironing out some of my wrinkles.

Now to the heavy stuff. High school with two teenagers. It's maddening! We have homeschooled our children for nine years now. We've experienced some difficulties at times, but overall it's been very rewarding and generally a great blessing. I'm still enjoying the aspects of that with my 10 year old son. But having 9th and 11th graders to manage is making me lose my mind! The thing I never counted on when we marched into this long haul of home education is the fact that once you hit high school you're no longer their teacher. You become a 'guidance counselor.' That may sound easier than teaching to some of you, but to me, it's horrifying!

Here's what I'm learning....

Teenagers change their minds...a lot! We had a plan of action for my son. I was pounding the pavement and scouring the internet to gather information and make connections, creating for him the perfect portfolio for his dream. A mission trip to New York later and it's all out the window! Now we're starting from scratch. I've been in a bit of denial, refusing to adjust his Community College courses and thinking to myself that he'll come around. Not happening!

Then there's my daughter. Always an A/B student, she's struggling to make C's in this, her first year of high school level classes online. I know this can be typical of many students adjusting to their freshman year of high school, but I didn't see it coming.

That said, I believe I've identified part of the problem. It's actually two-sided. One side of it is the struggle of teenagers to manage all the technology surrounding them. Cell phones & texting, facebook, myspace, etc. And people say homeschoolers lack social skills due to isolation??? That is not the case in most families I know, namely my own! Then there's the fact that my oldest has embarked on his first job, gotten his drivers license and started community college classes within a couple of month's of each other. That is the side we, as parents, have had to help them learn to manage. Ultimately, however, it is their responsibility to figure it out, sometimes having to fail before learning the hard consequences.

The other side is my own struggle. The constant dying to self. Giving up morning coffee with friends, shopping trips, having my entire house clean at one time, giving up facebook to allow for more time to manage schooling, getting computer time in early so as not to compete for time during the day while the kids need it for school, and on and on it goes....

Finally, and this is the biggest struggle for me, is the loss of friends who are ahead of me in this journey. I'm now the 'mom with the answers,' Don't get me wrong, I still have friends who are in front of me, but God has placed distance, literally counties & states, between us. I feel like I'm floundering around, trying to find my balance, just learning to walk. How can that be after so many years of doing this thing? I guess the answer is that I haven't been at it as long as it seems. It's a whole new phase for me. High school & teenagers is a different ball game and I'm just learning the rules. Many times this year I've felt like throwing in the towel, handing them over to someone who can do a better job than I. That's how I feel this week. At least until yesterday...

God brought a new friend along. Someone I've know casually for some time, but never really connected with. She is one of those who is ahead of me in this odyssey. Her encouraging words were like honey, healing to my weary soul. She gave me a little shot in the arm in which I'm not sure she'll ever know the impact it had. I'm grateful to her but mostly to God. The timing of our brief encounter and the circumstances behind it all point to my Heavenly Father for orchestrating it. I know she would agree, God does work in mysterious ways!

cartoon courtesy of www.nhunderground.com

Labels: homeschooling

posted by Kushmama @ 7:39 AM